The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
