That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
