Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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