butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my being single is dangerous.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
