Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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