Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
