just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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