I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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