What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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