turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
