the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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