I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
