I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
