never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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