i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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