i came on her dog
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Oh god it's open bar.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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