My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
