He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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