just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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