tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
