so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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