Buhtt sex?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
