I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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