...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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