if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
