just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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