Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
