Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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