return my video game
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
