On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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