idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
