marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
