He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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