just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
