I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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