The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
