he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
