maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
