omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
