he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
