The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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