I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
