how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
