yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
