I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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