capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
