So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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