the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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