Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
