I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
