Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
