We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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