Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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