we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
