just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
