we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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