so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
